1. Families are the primary influence in our lives.
2. History tends to repeat itself.
3. Families move through time on a horizontal as well as a vertical continuum.
4. Each individual member must maintain both separateness from and connectedness to the family.

Families are the primary influence in our lives:
          This principle acknowledges a basic truth that has been observed and discussed in such fields as Psychology, Cultural Anthropology, and Sociology. Human beings are shaped and formed by the family they are raised within. Everything from language to mannerisms is effected by the models we are exposed to. This fact is evidenced by the very different ways that particular families interact. One family may have a largely non-verbal and non-confrontational way of interacting. Meanwhile, their neighbors may have a very verbal and confrontational way of interacting. When individuals from these two different families meet, it is likely that misunderstandings or difficulties might arise within the context of their interactions. In terms of the way in which we are shaped as humans entering into the world, perhaps the old adage, "You are what you eat." should be changed to "You are who you meet." While these influences do not dictate exactly what we will be in a strict sense, they do supply us with most of the material that we will have to work with.

History tends to repeat itself:
          This statement is one that has been made by historians studying patterns over time and commenting on the habitual character of the human race. This observation of repeating patterns can also be made when one examines family systems. Furthermore, this repetition can be seen in the physical and psychological patterns a family will cycle through. Consider a family illness, such as heart disease, that shows up as a medical condition experienced by multiple family members through several generations. The genetic predisposition to particular diseases can be seen as it repeatedly manifests itself in the lives of generation after generation. In addition to genetics, a family system may perpetuate certain lifestyle patterns, such as high stress jobs or poor nutrition, that also influence the repeated occurrence of heart disease. Patterns similar to these can also be seen in the psychological habits of a family system. One can observe the fact that certain families produce generation after generation of doctors or teachers or lawyers. Such patterns are not simply the result of opportunity or good fortune. Rather, they involve the values passed down from one generation to the next and the particular relationships within the family system. For better or worse, history does tend to repeat itself in family systems. These patterns are by no means irreversible, but in order to seek change in these historical patterns, family members must first be aware of them.

Families move through time on a horizontal as well as a vertical continuum:
           Any one moment in time is like a picture of a family and does not include the past or future of the family system. Families change as they move through time. New members are born or added to the family and other members leave or die. These life changes or cycles are a part of the natural progression of families over time. In addition, these cycles involve not only family relationships on a horizontal plane, such as siblings, but also family relationships on a vertical plane, such as parent-child or grandparent-child relationships. As a family moves through various life cycles, such as marriage, childrearing, and retirement, demands for change or adjustment will be placed on the family system. Certain tasks will be established as important for the family to accomplish as members relate to one another in a particular life cycle. If they are unable to adjust to the demands of the new life cycle, difficulties will emerge and symptoms of dysfunctionality will arise. Additionally, major disruptions, such as illness, death, and divorce, add to the stress a family experiences and increases their vulnerability to unsuccessful adaptation to the new life cycle. In distress, we tend to cling to that which is familiar. Unfortunately, this reaction can be the exact opposite of what is needed in a situation where the family's life is cycling or transitioning to something new.

Each individual member must maintain both separateness from and connectedness to the family :
           As a family moves through the various cycles of life, the relationships of each member to others in the family will inevitably change. For example, a child who is at first dependent for all forms of nourishment and protection upon the parents will eventually grow to be an increasingly independent youth until they leave the home establishing their own independence. Clearly, the relationship between this child and the parents must change over time if it is to remain helpful and healthy. At various times, this relationship will demand high levels of connectedness and separateness. While these aspects of the relationship are not mutually exclusive, their appropriateness or helpfulness depends on the present context of the family life cycle. Both separateness and connectedness can be helpful and harmful depending on their context.

Triangles:
          A very important principle in the use of genograms is the fact that triangles between three family members often represent the attempt of two members to maintain either closeness or distance. When tension exists between two family members, a natural recourse is to involve a third person to help stabilize this relationship. In the short-term, this tendency to triangulate is a frequent occurrence and appears to be a part of normal family functioning. However, if this pattern of involving a third party in order to negotiate a relationship becomes a part of the regular family functioning over a longer period of time then it is seen as symptomatic or unhealthy. Such a pattern will cause a family system to become more rigid in its way of functioning and will cause problems when the family system is required to adapt or transition to a new life cycle.

Achieving change in the family system:
          Change is very difficult to achieve within a family system. The patterns that a family uses to function are often passed from generation to generation. The process of changing these habits involves both awareness and intentionality. The first step is to become aware of the patterns themselves. Genograms are a useful tool in exploring one's family system and identifying patterned ways of relating. The identification of triangles is especially useful in giving insight into how a family system might be symptomatic or dysfunctional in its patterns of relating. This approach is useful in identifying not only the individual suffering from being triangulated but also the two other family members who are using the third to maintain closeness or distance. The next step is to attempt to intentionally effect change within a family system. Sometimes this involves the elimination of unhealthy triangles. If an individual becomes aware of the way in which they are triangulated between two others, they can refuse to function in the way in which they are being used by the two others. For an example of how this change might be attempted, refer to the article by Rabbi Edwin H. Friedman entitled, "The Birthday Party: An Experiment in Obtaining Change in One's Own Extended Family." This web site is designed to help individuals take the first step of identifying patterns that exist within their family systems through the use of genograms as a tool. You are encouraged to modify the particular symbols used to suit the needs of your own exploration into your family system. As a final quote, I will leave you with a statement by Rabbi Friedman illustrating the importance of awareness of one's own family system:

"The potential for becoming free from the influence of one's family system, however, is much greater in an approach that brings one towards the family than in an approach that takes one away. I think, therefore, in terms of differentiation of self within the system rather than independence of it."